Answer in the Form of a Question

I have three interviews tomorrow and I'm having trouble getting motivated to write my scripts for them. Because I really haven't come up with the script that makes my respondents, well, respond. At least to the questions I am asking. So, I present a Jeopardy like exercise -- what must I be asking to be getting these answers?

The Interview Script for the Answers my Respondents Give

Please share with me your views of Pakistan.

Could you explain in 300 words or more why the United States’ ongoing support occupation of Iraq renders my question irrelevant?

What would Gandhi want for your group?

Please tell me the history of the present controversy beginning in 1650 and do not spare the excruciating, dubiously historically accurate detail. And be sure to fade into unhelpful generalities as soon as your narrative approaches 1947.

Globalization is a US imperial scourge that has caused all India’s present difficulties. Please discuss.

What are the views of “the people”? Do “the people” want development, self-governance and dignity, or do they prefer corruption, squalor and repression? What evidence do you have for these preferences?

Is your situation in anyway analogous to that of the Palestinians? Why or why not?

I would like to discuss an apparently less-than-ideal moment in India’s recent history. Please clarify for me the uniquely profound insights of Indian statecraft that explain why the Indian government has always done the exact right thing at every juncture since its inception, including the instance I have just mentioned.

Is there a lot of corruption in India? And how have you, an honest man among thieves, been personally thwarted and held back by the wickedness of others?

Why don’t you explain to me how in India you have a bicameral legislature? Since, obviously, I could not possibly have bothered to find that out before our interview.

In what ways is the present crisis entirely the fault of the British?

I look down on Indians. Please offer me a rambling and extremely pessimistic account of your country’s cultural and economic prospects so we can bond over our shared disdain.

I look down on Indians. Why don’t you rebut my skepticism regarding your country’s cultural and economic prospects in a rambling and wildly optimistic explanation of how India will soon eclipse the Britain, China and the United States militarily, economically, spiritually, and culturally?

Could you just tie this all back to Pakistan for me?