Olympic Friendlies and China's One-Child Policy

I have wanted to write for awhile now about the Olympic mascots for the upcoming games in China. I have included here a picture of Albert with some representations of these mascots that greeted us on the way into a Beijing mall. I noticed them because they are (1) everywhere and (2) interesting in light of my ongoing observations about the un-cuteness of India. By the way, Albert was not discriminated against at any Chinese venue and received many compliments during his stay there. In fact, my hostess learned the word for penguin in Chinese as a result of the comments he was drawing. I, naturally, forgot the word immediately.

Anyhow, the spirit of the 2008 games is represented by 5 "Fuwa" or "Friendlies," each of whom corresponds to one of the Olympic rings, a particular set of Olympic events, and to a Chinese mythological creature. All of the Fuwa are children and have very diminutive names - Beibei, Jingjing, Huanhuan, Yingying, Nini. If you eliminate the repetition of the syllables in their names, they spell out "Bei Jing huan ying ni" or "Beijing Welcomes You." Pretty cute, huh?

Their official website not only explains what athletic events each Friendly represents, it also explains the particular virtues embodied by each Fuwa, each of which is also one of the five elements of nature (sea, forest, fire, earth, and sky). It is reminescent of reading the placemat at a Chinese restaurant to learn about the animal sign for your year of birth. Jingjing brings joy to children everywhere. Huanhuan is enthusiastic and inviting. (Have you ever noticed how certain words, like "harmonious," immediately make one think of text on Chinese culture?)

I could ruminate on the irony of the beaming Fuwa as the public face of an authoritarian country. But that's just a downer. Also, being back in India brings out my inner Barry Goldwater. All these hippies with their self-important searches for enlightenment. So I say: Down with "Free Tibet" protests!

Anyhow, I'm going to ruminate instead on the connection between the Fuwa and birth control. As follows: I have noticed an inverse relationship between country's fertility rates and the role of cuteness in their popular culture. I posit that as people have fewer children they have a higher probability of purchasing child-substitution items, like small dogs and cartoons. This drives up ambient cuteness, especially in retail. I believe that there is scientific evidence in favor of this mechanism. Because, per the NYT, the aesthetic phenomenon of "cute" is the result of our evolutionary affinity to the features of human babies, like big eyes and stubby limbs.

Consider the following evidence:

Mali has the world's highest fertility rate (7.38 children per woman). And levels of ambient cuteness are shockingly low. Granted, Bedouin chic has a certain romance. But it is emphatically not adorable. Also on the high end of the fertility range and the low end of the warm-fuzzy meter are Yemen (6.49) and the Democratic Republic of Congo (5.99). Paraguay has a medium high fertility rate (3.84) and the main cultural currents there are militarism and a German flavor brought by Nazis fleeing prosecution for war crimes.

Then we get to India, with 2.81 children per woman. And India, as I have pointed out, trails the rest of Asia in the cute column.

The USA comes in at a middlingly level of fertility (2.09). (The world median, by the way, is Israel with 2.38 children per woman.) In the USA, while cute things are generally available, we are by no means a world leader in this field. (Sesame Street not withstanding). Much of our supply of animated creatures is imported from Britain or Asia. And companies that should be putting R&D into cuteness, such as Disney and Mattel, are instead pumping out work that emphasizes glamour, wealth, and a certain precocious (and creepy) sexuality. (See: Bratz, Disney Princesses).

China (1.75) is about on par with Finland (1.73). And Finland is a leader in grotesque-cute, trolls in particular. And, finally, we get to East Asia, the world epicenter of cuteness technology: South Korea (1.28), Japan (1.23), and, with the lowest fertility rates in the world, Hong Kong (0.98).

Thus, the success of China's one child regime -- compared to the relatively modest reductions in fertility in India over the same period -- explains the two countries' divergent attitudes toward adorableness-enhanced individuals like Albert. And we can expect growing Indian tolerance for plush creatures as fertility rates here continue to fall.

Anyone who writes to tell me that development is an omitted variable in my theory is totally uncute.