Here it is! For a cool $5.95 (plus S&H) my faux married life has begun! The ring is a little small, but, as a friend pointed out, that just makes it look like I’ve gained the inevitable post-nuptial weight.As you have probably guessed, the ring is so that I can more credibly lie about my marital status while in field work in India. And not just because of the looks of terrified pity when I announce my age and lack of husband simultaneously. And also not just because I need to fend off sleazy requests brought on by the assumption that white women are essentially like a cross between a pornography website and a green card. (For these types, I suppose I can say that my husband, sadly, could not come to India in light of his ongoing jail sentence for aggravated assault). What I really want to fend off with my ring is requests for friendship from men who work in the tourist industry and who basically collect white pen pals.
This is harmless enough, I suppose, but the emails have two big downsides: they are (1) written in text-message-ese, in which I am not fluent, and (2) consist largely of motivational proverbs and requests for replies. I cannot bear to get any more guilt trip emails about why haven’t I written back to a rug seller in Kerala whose letters read like Stuart-Smalley-meets-MySpace. And, since such an email relationship—even though it most closely resembles eating fortune cookies—would not be appropriate between Indian males and married Indian women outside their own family, I’m hoping I, too, will be able to dodge some pen pals with references to my alleged husband.
The big downside to having a faux marriage is that it reminds me of a teenage girl practicing signing her name “Mrs. Gregory Smith” and making elaborate plans about a future with her crush in Algebra II. By which I mean: this seems like it has the potential to really freak out my boyfriend. I don’t know for sure, but I bet buying yourself a wedding ring fall pretty squarely in the “potentially interpreted as overbearing” category. No doubt, many a political scientist has had her heart broken with just such a misunderstanding.
More as I get closer to D-Day, July 16!
8 comments:
Hey, I should get me one of those for Russia. Not to fend off the men, but rather the old ladies: "How can you be 27 and not married?!?!"
Holy shit! You're married?! You never told me. Does Adam know this?
Oh wait. You just fooled me...
Awesome. I love it!
I've frequently used a jealous 'husband' to not give my email to young men who approach me.
Typically, the response is, "but I only want to be friends," to which my response is "/you/ know that, and /I/ know that, but if you had a wife and another man was emailing her, what would you think? You don't want to make my husband angry with me, do you?" Or something along those lines. It almost invariably works for me (and often gets lots of laughs, which is always a bonus).
Also, casual mentions of your husband can do wonders for interactions with interview subjects which start requiring some nipping-in-the-bud (particularly when the post-interview SMSs start rolling in). As in "I told my husband how helpful you've been, and he asked me to thank you for taking such good care of me." etc.
The ring looks hot on you, Mrs. Lacina. I hope Adam got a matching one.
Oi, achei teu blog pelo google tá bem interessante gostei desse post. Quando der dá uma passada pelo meu blog, é sobre camisetas personalizadas, mostra passo a passo como criar uma camiseta personalizada bem maneira. Se você quiser linkar meu blog no seu eu ficaria agradecido, até mais e sucesso. (If you speak English can see the version in English of the Camiseta Personalizada. If he will be possible add my blog in your blogroll I thankful, bye friend).
I´m just glad that my job of fending off the hordes of other suitors will be a little bit easier.
Ha! Upon my return from Sierra Leone, I moved my own wedding ring from ring finger to middle finger. Similar to Catherine, I had a very "strict" husband who apparently prevented me from doing things like handing out my phone number and telling men what hotel I lived in. Unfortunately, some men were unpersuaded by my nuptials and asked if I were certain I "only wanted one man." The answer, incidentally, was yes.
Hope you are having a great time in India! Good luck!!
tell the really persistent ones that they can be your second husband...works like a charm and the looks of horror are awesome.
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